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sportsHigh School Sports

What if mascot fights decided the regional semifinals?

North Mesquite Stallions vs. Westlake Chaparrals

Chaps

Strengths: For those of you who don't know, a Chaparral is a roardrunner bird. So its greatest strength is speed that rivals that of a sorority girl running to a Lilly Pulitzer sale. Plus its reflexes are something else, just look at this video (WHICH IS INSANE, BY THE WAY):

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Or with:

Weaknesses: Not much of an offense here (unless the chaparral is going up against a snake, clearly)

Stallions

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Strengths: So I looked up the difference between a stallion and a horse, and let's just say that stallions usually have superior genes and are therefore used for breeding. So it's muscular, aggressive, quick and overall just a souped-up horse.

Weaknesses: Often distracted by female horses

VERDICT: It's about the ground game here. The only way I can image the stallion beating the chaparral is by stepping on it. And after watching the chaparral evade a rattlesnake's bite, I'm confident that wouldn't happen. Chaparral uses its speed to evade stallion and beak to attack it and wins (think Rebels vs. Imperial Walker in Star Wars

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Arlington Lamar Vikings vs. Mansfield Tigers

Vikings

Strengths: I. Love. Vikings. I'm not quite sure why, but the idea of Scandinavian pirates wearing helmets with horns and ships with dragons on the front is just awesome.

Weaknesses: They came along before gunpowder.

Tigers

Strengths: Ferocious. Fast. Strong. Teeth. Claws. God pretty much looked at Earth and said, "what animal can I make that is basically a death machine with legs?"

Weaknesses: Nick Saban.

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VERDICT: So in the human vs. animal matchups, I usually go with the humans because of firearms. However, Vikings rely solely on swords and flowing blonde locks. I'm imaging the Vikings' ship pulling up to the tigers' turf and then a giant battle ensuing where it's jacked dudes with swords and mallets versus a bunch of freaking tigers. The result? Push. Nobody is gonna win this one. Too many casualties. Too much carnage.

Dallas Christian Chargers vs. Northland Christian Cougars

Chargers

Strengths: While named the Chargers, these are pretty much knights armed with a lance big enough to be a dinosaur's toothpick. Plus, you have the armor and a horse.

Weaknesses: The iPhone ones seriously break all the time.

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Cougars

Strengths: Can and will rip your face off.

Weaknesses: In this case, lances.

VERDICT: A bad week for members of the cat family continues, as the the cougars' claws and teeth do little against the knight's armor. Combine that with the knight being able to use his lance and there's a clear victory here.

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